fairytale/

Fairytale
'cause I don't care for your fairytales You're so worried about the maiden though you know She's only waiting on the next best thing Snow White is doing dishes again cause What else can you do With seven itty-bitty men? Sends them to bed and calls up a friend Says will you meet me at midnight? The tall blonde lets out a cry of despair says Would have cut it myself if I knew men could climb hair I'll have to find another tower somewhere and keep away from the windows

Sunday, June 05, 2005,

i never knew i had a life.

okayy. just ignore that title ya. i came to post about my feelings.

sighhs. its just recently that i found out that i`m not happy at all. at all. initially, i din noe wad i was unhappy about. but now, i kinda figured some of the possibilities.

firstly, i am most unhappy about ke jun. i don care if you are reading this, kejun. but i cant take this anymore. i`ve had a talk with my mum and reasoned out lotsa things with her. she agreed with wadeva that i said. i donnoe why you are like this. i donnoe wads up with you. but i wanna tell you this. if you`re gonna continue acting this way, i`m afraid that i will soon suffer from depression. and i certainly don wan that to happen to me. i cant take this anymore.

why do you keep droning on and on about those stuff that you told me? mum says you have a mind filled with simplicity. fine, your way of thinking is different as my way of thinking. but i don get your way of thinking and you don get my way of thinking. so, i`ve decided. if you are gonna be like this, i will leave you alone. think of me as evil, think of me as selfish. say that i`m not caring about your feelings. i`m fine with that. but do you even think about my feelings in turn?

secondly, i am unhappy about my foolishness. about the blunder that i always made. time and time again, i`ve ~~sweared~~ promised myself never to make the same mistake again, but it always happen. why? i dont wan this to happen. why am i so dumb? i wanna put this to a stop. now. but i cant. i cant. i just cant...

thirdly, i`m unhappy about my family. this has been etched in my mind for a long, long time..its so hurtful, so painful, so sad..i want a happy family. nothing else. i really want a happy family. i really do. the only time we have dinners as a family is only during special occasions. the only time we go out together as a family is only during special occasions. whats up with special occasions? we dont even go on holiday together.

many times, when i`m out, i catch a glimpse of happy families, chatting and laughing away. a whole family, going out on a sunday, known as their family day..going out to town, going to the beach for a picnic, blahblahblah. my heart sinks when i witness those happy times other families are having. why? cause i don get to enjoy those wonderful times. never. never ever.

my brother and my sister have not been speaking to each other since plus minus 8 years ago. as far as i`m concern, i do not rmb the dae when they talked to each other like siblings; not like enemies. nightmares used to haunt me. i wont tell what they are, its too personal. to round it up, i`m very afraid of what my bro would do to my sis. nvm. i shall not elaborate.

I don think i deserve all these unhappiness.

dearest Lord, please guide me through the maze, lead me out of all my sorrows. Show me the key to finding happiness. please, my Lord. I really need your help. All i want is to have a happy family. Thats enough. I wont ask for more. Amen..